When I was in the early years of high school we started taking these aptitude tests so we would know what we were good at and could then pick a career path. Having picked a career path, we were then directed to find the best schools (colleges) for those careers and to pursue whatever it was that school required for placement.
Your aptitude test said you’d be good as a lawyer? Well, then find the best law schools, see what it took to get in and then spend the next three years of high school working to achieve those “minimum requirements.” Meet the minimum GPA, fill out your electives and extra curriculars in all the appropriate categories and do what it took to become a “well rounded, desirable student.”
So incredibly formulaic.
What’s worse? When the aptitude tests come back with this “good at everything, excellent at nothing.” That’s me – average across the board. How wonderful. And so inspiring! (<— Sarcasm)
A few years prior to this, my mom had taken me to meet some prophet and hear what he had to say. Okay, don’t run away from the prophet speak you guys – I promise it’ll come full circle…
I happened to be wearing a star shaped necklace that had a bunch of little crystals filling the star.
The prophet told me this:
“You are like this star necklace. Not that you are a star – maybe you will be, who is to say. But this is true: you are filled with many things. Many desires, many interests, many talents. You are filled with much that inspires. And like a diamond needs light to shine, so do you. Expose yourself to the light and you will cast brightness and sparkle in so many directions just as a diamond has facets that cast light in a multitude of directions.”
I’m paraphrasing here. The statement is only in my memory – the semantics and diction don’t actually matter, it is the sentiment and the feeling that remains.
I’m not one thing. I never meant to be. I’m not a mom. I’m not a wife. I’m not an accountant. I’m not a blogger. I’m not a runner. I’m not a writer. I’m not any of these things.
I am all of these things. And more.
Don’t put me in your stupid box.
Over the past two years of writing this blog I have tried to figure out where I fit in to the blogging world. Mom bloggers – well, I guess I don’t whine or coupon clip enough to fit in with that crowd. Fitness bloggers – well, that’s an up and down for me and I simply don’t devote my entire life to the notion of working out day in and day out, healthy but not extreme. Food bloggers – well, I post recipes but not daily and not such-and-such percentage of my posts required to join these publishing groups.
All boxes that I don’t quite fit in. And still, I kept trying.
It’s like wearing an ugly sweater that doesn’t fit right just because that’s what is in style – then wearing a different sweater that still doesn’t fit right because this other group of people seems to think that’s what is in style.
It comes off phony and awkward because it is and because you – I don’t feel comfortable wearing this silly sweater that totally isn’t “me.”
Forget it y’all. I’ve never fit into the boxes. And in every other area of my life I’ve stopped trying. So now, dear friends, in this here internet land I am now officially giving up on fitting into the boxes.
Just me. No more ugly sweater.
I hope you’ll stick around